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How often do we come across someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with? And yet, sometimes, things don’t go the way we thought they would. The ever growing cracks in the most important relationship in our lives start to weaken everything that we touch. And then, parting ways, may be even for a while, seems like the only way to prevent any further damage.  But going through a separation can never be easy.  There are a few things though, that you can do to separate the pain from the separation. Although not completely, you can make this painful process hurt a little less.

Make sure this is it: Tried everything else to make it work? Alright, if this is the only way you both can have a better life, take the step, but once you’ve taken it, don’t question your judgement. Don’t look back and wonder. Doubting yourself will only cause a panic attack making you more vulnerable to do something worse! Just move forward.

Part peacefully: This might seem almost impossible… depending on the reason for separation (how do you part peacefully with a person who cheated on you?) Well, it can still be done, may be after you’ve gotten a hold of your emotions and have come to terms with the fact that it’s time to move on. But if your case isn’t this extreme, try to be as civil as possible. After all, you don’t want their last memory of you (and vice versa) to be a bitter one?! But doing so not only helps you keep your dignity, it helps you move on faster. You’ll have one less person to forgive (yourself) when you’re letting go of your past.


Move out of your house: If your spouse has moved out when you separated,  but you still continue living in the house you both stayed in together, it’ll be very difficult for you to move on. A place full of your partner’s memories can be overwhelming and suffocating if you’re trying to get over them. Their constant presence in your daily activities will slow down your healing process. So, if you can, move out…at least for a while. If you can’t afford another place, ask a friend for a favor..till you feel strong enough to be on your own back in the same house.

Remember- everything is a choice: The way you both decided to handle your relationship, the decision to part ways, everything that you did, and are still doing is a matter of choice. You have to consciously choose to accept your decision and overcome the guilt you might be feeling coz you gave up. May be you can choose to be together again tomorrow..or may be you’ll choose another partner that you can have a better relationship with.
Either way, you can always choose to be happy. And you owe it to yourself to choose happiness.

Keep the good ones: Whether or not you decide to patch up, remember only the good times. Remember how their smile lifted your spirit, how they made your day no matter how crappy it was, how you both loved to try new cuisines…the list is endless! Remembering only the good things about them will reduce the pain the bad memories bring. Train your mind to sharpen the focus only on the happy stuff each time they come to your mind, and blur the bad times. In case you decide to get together with your partner again, do the same process. It’ll prevent you from bringing up how they hurt you years ago, in any future fights that you might have. It’ll also help you appreciate what you love about them a little more by keeping it fresh in your mind.

One last thing to remember…tomorrow is a brand new day, and love will find a way to find you!

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Some people become more interesting when they drink, others..when you drink!

 

Not everyone uses their rearview mirrors.
We all are capable of a lot more than we even attempt to reach for. Infact most people I know don’t care to use most of their abilities, even when they can make their lives much better.

 

Everyone is less mad the next morning.
The sun literally sheds light on any problem, big or small, and everyone is less angry and more willing to make things better the next day. Sleep over it.

Willingness matters more than ability.
Coz when we really really want it, we make ourselves able.

 

Everyone loses their marbles some time.
(No exceptions here!) We just need someone to help us find them.

 

Success affects people’s memory.
Some people claim to remember you when you become a ‘somebody’, but tend to forget you when it’s their turn!

 

In love..don’t propose when too happy, don’t breakup when too angry.
Actually, in any relationship, emotional extremes are bad places for decision making, but most of us realize this only when it’s too late. That means we gotto know what we’re feeling when we’re feeling it…


We are surrounded by around 7 billion people..hmm.

we live on one of 8 planets, (plus 5 dwarf planets) in the solar system, which is located in the Milky Way galaxy. And this galaxy happens to contain about 200 billion stars!

There are probably more than 170 billion (1.7 × 1011) galaxies in the observable universe…in which, I am an inconsequential speck. Wow! I have no words to describe how diminutively puny I feel we are as human beings.

And yet, every time you say you wanna be with me, I feel like I am larger than all of this cosmological magic put together!  🙂


Just 5 random things I experienced, (re)discovered, learnt…this week:-

Kids and sarcasm don’t blend!
It makes me so very happy everytime I am touched by the divinity of my 2 and half year old niece. She has no idea what ‘sarcasm’ is! Try being sarcastic with a kid and you’ll get slapped with oodles of innocence and unconditional love. It doesn’t cease to amaze me how kids are untouched by the corruption of the adult mind..the need to complicate things! Isn’t is awesome? Why..why can’t we keep it?!

Your truth is only yours
Most of our ‘issues’ stem from misunderstandings..differences in definitions and perceptions.It’s what we think the other person is doing that becomes reality for us, not necessarily what they actually intended. One’s point is only what it’s understood to be. It doesn’t have to be the truth, it just has to be yours and that’s enough. Sometimes.. that’s not very nice. Sigh.

Carol me anytime!
Christmas Carols in January? Why not? 😉 The season may have passed, but the spirit of joy stays. Feeling low or not? Just sing along (howl, in my case) with as many christmas carols as you have time for, and feel the magic of walking in a winter wonderland. Works every single time! Coz magic needs no season, and happiness…no reason.

Women can compete at anything.that’s it.
Dresses, shoes, buying vegetables! yup! Here’s the scene:- Down at the supermarket, aisle no.5, 2 ladies armed with shopping baskets, their hands sifting through a huge pile of red juicy tomatoes, and then…their pace picks up and they got more aggressive when they realize that they are both going after the ‘best’ in the lot! teeheehee. Their eye-hand coordination was amazing..really! Their hands checked and bagged the perfect ones as their eyes scanned for the next target, at lightning-fast speed. And when one of them was done, she had this smug look on her face. She even threw me a “now you can take what’s left” kinda glance as I stood there, empty basket in hand, waiting for them to finish the ‘race’. Fun. Lol.

Do the obvious dodo!
Why do we humans act so stupid sometimes? We refuse to see the obvious and then get into trouble or complain that things aren’t good enough! Like..if you serve correctly and with a smile, you will get a better tip, it’s obvious! If you jump a red light, you will have to pay a fine, d-uh! If you leave everything for the last minute, you will get delayed, won’t you? Yet, most of us still don’t do these so-called logical things. Why do we overlook even when we know it’ll cost us? Apathy, tsk tsk.

 


Let’s go on a trip! A trip back in time..where you get a second chance to do everything all over again. Now, if you really did get a chance like this, would you change anything? I m guessing most of us wouldn’t coz we know that we are the way we are today only coz of everything that has happened in the past. But yes, there are a few things we wish we could alter. For me, I wouldn’t change what happened, but I guess I would change the way some of it happened.

Unfortunateley a time machine doesn’t exist.. if you know of any, let me know 😉

But today is yet to happen! So are you making this choice of living your today in a particular way, while you still have it? If not, then give it some thought. We all have the opportunity to create our lives, quite literally, the way we want to. We can write our days as we live them moment by moment, IF we don’t allow our emotions or other people to dictate us! But the key to being able to accomplish this seemingly simple yet difficult task is living in retrospect!

The best perspective to have, according to me, is the “retrospective” one! It could be a few months or a few years, but if you look at NOW from some point in your future, it helps you to understand what really matters, whether or not your decision will have the impact you imagine it to have, and how significant or insignificant this experience is going to be! Haven’t you felt this way about quite a few decisions you took years ago? I bet you have more clarity now than you did back then. Coz the truth is, time changes everything..feelings fade, situations ease up, people forget. What seems like a mountain today, might look like a mole hill 5 years from now. And if  you still have any regrets about your decisions in the past, remember that you made them coz you felt that was the best you could do at that point in time! But sadly, as we know, you can’t go back to that point in time.

So today, when you have to make a choice, use your retrospective time machine to travel into your future and look back at your present, as if it has become your past! This is one trip that will definitely change your life! 🙂

 


When was the last time you took a decision based more on your gut feeling than on the facts and figures available to you? Sometimes the road is pretty clear, some times we have to choose and at other times we have to make our own road.

So how do you go about it? May be you go with what you feel is right or may be you go the other way. i.e. with what you’re taught is right. But have you ever wondered why is it “either/or”? Why is it that, in a lot of situations, what we’re expected to do does not match what our instincts are telling us?

Case in point:- a friend of mine recently lost his father. Before uncle passed away, he fixed his son’s marriage to a girl of his choice. Now this friend of mine is caught between keeping his father’s word and marrying a girl of his own choice. Instinctively, he doesn’t want the arranged marriage. But his values, his love for his father, his responsibility towards his family… are pushing him to go ahead. It’s a tough decision. But it’s a matter of living with one’s choices.

And this isn’t the only scenario where there is a war between one’s instincts and responsibilities, there are so many situations in life where one would rather not be. Especially, in a culture where we are taught to think about what people might say, we are trained to undermine our own happiness. Unfortunately, we are educated to ignore our instincts repeatedly. And with enough practice we lose touch completely. But there is still hope. Your instincts don’t die..they just get muffled. All you have to do is listen. Calm your mind and listen to your heart. There is always a voice inside us telling us what we should do. We may not be in a position to take the “right call”. But then again, what is the right call? Learn to listen to your gut, and you will know. And once you’ve taken a decision, learn to trust it. Of course, it isn’t an easy road to take, coz your instincts are only yours, no one else can feel or understand them. Just the way your life is only your life. No one else is gonna live it for you. It’s yours .. to suffer or to thrive!

And one thing I know for certain, every single time I listen to my instincts, even if it’s tough initially, the result is always good. I believe that if we all listened to our instincts more, we would make better decisions and have lesser regrets.


Ever felt humbled by the vastness of the ocean?… ever felt so at peace that everything seemed perfect?… ever felt insignificant under the starry sky on a clear night?…ever known someone with whom, the joy is so overwhelming that words were insufficient?

Yes! 🙂 It’s in moments like these that we truly live. Moments when you know from within that there is unlimited joy to experience (even though your logical mind might want to fight that thought!) You can still feel it, it’s a feeling of completeness, of just being.

But more often than not we are busy waiting…when life is already happening 😛 We have too many rules, too many conditions that limit us from experiencing bliss. We want things ..but we want them a certain way, at a certain time and only from certain people, why?

We have this habit of labeling a source and putting so much pressure on it to deliver, that sometimes we exhaust ourselves and everyone else! Instead, if you allow it, an emotion can come from any source, so long as it doesn’t harm or damage anything or anyone.

 

Joy is still joy. It may vary in degrees or the kind that we feel, from satisfaction to pleasure to ecstasy!  Like the heart melting joy, the unconditional love of my two year old niece brings to the nostalgic bliss I shared with a friend as we spent all night exchanging music from our childhood over an online chat!

Happiness is everywhere. It can be the delirious kind, an awe-inspiring moment or even just a smile. It’s upto you. It’s upto you if you want to feel it at all.

It was a very liberating experience for me when I learnt to look for joy in everything that I did and everyone that  I met 🙂 I realized how much I had missed, and decided not to miss out anymore. My niece reminds me that time shouldn’t be wasted..every single day! She comes to you and asks you for something, once, twice. If she doesn’t get it, she moves on to someone else in the house and repeats. Lol.

You might say that it isn’t as simple for us grownups though. But, trust me, you ll be amazed! Life is actually quite simple. And it is true what they say…what you seek is what you find! If you just open your mind and seek only joy..you will find a million sources that bring a million moments overflowing with joy! And those million will grow into a million more.

And when you find that one moment where it feels so good that you can’t stop smiling…. step outside of yourself and acknowledge it!

Make it a memory…coz you have just lived!

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