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I keep my smiles in a jar…so I can pull one out when I need it..
My smiles in a jar are memories …of our times together…your voice, my sighs, the love we made, my blushing cheeks, the look in your eyes, the tingling in my heart, the longing and the belonging …
you ask why I don’t put my memories with others in the jar? Well, they aren’t memories..they’re just hangovers.

I’ll keep you…you’ll be my jar of smiles.


What should I gift the one who has everything…love and success, wealth and blessings…

A mirror…

…to remind you of the abundance that surrounds your presence and pray it multiplies boundlessly…

The moon is always in the sky…but the sun outshines it …
This is how we are too, aren’t we?
sometimes, it has to be really dark for some of our qualities to shine 😉

How often do we come across someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with? And yet, sometimes, things don’t go the way we thought they would. The ever growing cracks in the most important relationship in our lives start to weaken everything that we touch. And then, parting ways, may be even for a while, seems like the only way to prevent any further damage.  But going through a separation can never be easy.  There are a few things though, that you can do to separate the pain from the separation. Although not completely, you can make this painful process hurt a little less.

Make sure this is it: Tried everything else to make it work? Alright, if this is the only way you both can have a better life, take the step, but once you’ve taken it, don’t question your judgement. Don’t look back and wonder. Doubting yourself will only cause a panic attack making you more vulnerable to do something worse! Just move forward.

Part peacefully: This might seem almost impossible… depending on the reason for separation (how do you part peacefully with a person who cheated on you?) Well, it can still be done, may be after you’ve gotten a hold of your emotions and have come to terms with the fact that it’s time to move on. But if your case isn’t this extreme, try to be as civil as possible. After all, you don’t want their last memory of you (and vice versa) to be a bitter one?! But doing so not only helps you keep your dignity, it helps you move on faster. You’ll have one less person to forgive (yourself) when you’re letting go of your past.

Move out of your house: If your spouse has moved out when you separated,  but you still continue living in the house you both stayed in together, it’ll be very difficult for you to move on. A place full of your partner’s memories can be overwhelming and suffocating if you’re trying to get over them. Their constant presence in your daily activities will slow down your healing process. So, if you can, move out…at least for a while. If you can’t afford another place, ask a friend for a favor..till you feel strong enough to be on your own back in the same house.

Remember- everything is a choice: The way you both decided to handle your relationship, the decision to part ways, everything that you did, and are still doing is a matter of choice. You have to consciously choose to accept your decision and overcome the guilt you might be feeling coz you gave up. May be you can choose to be together again tomorrow..or may be you’ll choose another partner that you can have a better relationship with.
Either way, you can always choose to be happy. And you owe it to yourself to choose happiness.

Keep the good ones: Whether or not you decide to patch up, remember only the good times. Remember how their smile lifted your spirit, how they made your day no matter how crappy it was, how you both loved to try new cuisines…the list is endless! Remembering only the good things about them will reduce the pain the bad memories bring. Train your mind to sharpen the focus only on the happy stuff each time they come to your mind, and blur the bad times. In case you decide to get together with your partner again, do the same process. It’ll prevent you from bringing up how they hurt you years ago, in any future fights that you might have. It’ll also help you appreciate what you love about them a little more by keeping it fresh in your mind.

One last thing to remember…tomorrow is a brand new day, and love will find a way to find you!

How often do you acknowledge what you really want…may be coz you think it’s too expensive, or coz people might think you’re such a loser if you can’t achieve what you set out to..  or coz you can’t have it yet or coz they’re married (teeheehee) I guess as we grow up we come to believe that it’s impossible to have all our wishes granted. And so we learn to carefully choose the ones that are nearest and dearest to us and choke them till their voice dies out. But, for one day, imagine that it doesn’t matter whether or not these wishes are granted ..or may be …if you write them down, just once… they might actually have a chance of happening!

So here’s my list (for today) :-
to have this … NOW

AND have a body like that, without having anything surgically removed or implanted (or photoshopped!)

to holiday in places like these with the man I love…without worrying about where my next paycheck is coming from (the curse of the freelancers :P)

to live in a house with a view like this…. with the man I wanna grow old with (preferably the same man from the previous point, teeheehee)

unconditional happiness

image courtesy

to hear my folks say, “you make us proud”

As of today I want these things more than a pair of manolo blahniks…everyday isn’t the same 😉
what does your list look like?
Who knows, may be these dreams will find a way to come true, just coz you opened the gate!

We are surrounded by around 7 billion people..hmm.

we live on one of 8 planets, (plus 5 dwarf planets) in the solar system, which is located in the Milky Way galaxy. And this galaxy happens to contain about 200 billion stars!

There are probably more than 170 billion (1.7 × 1011) galaxies in the observable universe…in which, I am an inconsequential speck. Wow! I have no words to describe how diminutively puny I feel we are as human beings.

And yet, every time you say you wanna be with me, I feel like I am larger than all of this cosmological magic put together!  🙂

I believe that our wounds carry in them, the power to heal. All we have to do is open up.

As a counselor, I help my clients work through a variety of issues. But one thing is common. They all need to be healed. And the process of healing is a difficult one. You can’t heal anything by hiding. And this applies to all kinds of wounds..physical and emotional.

For something to heal, you have to clean it first, and this is probably the most painful part, where they have to go into your wound to disinfect it. But once that’s done, it’s all TLC. One of my clients is a 12 year old girl Tikki* who’s dealing with the death of her only sister, who was also her best friend. Death of  a loved one, sudden or not, is a traumatic experience. It alters our core, it makes us humble, and it makes us realize that we don’t have forever. But how do you fill the “void”?

Each of us has his own way, but the void needs to be acknowledged first. Venting is crucial. Bottling up emotions can be toxic. Emotions need to flow, and purging can take some time. Watching this 12 year old angel pick herself up has been an awe inspiring experience for me. It wasn’t easy, it never is. But it’s important, and she did it. She allowed herself to heal.

Healing takes courage, faith, patience..and above all, willingness. And since we have to begin some day, why not begin today?

*Thank you Tikki (nickname) for granting me permission to share your story with everyone.

So i m a part of the “post a week” thingie which means I have to publish a post every week. I was on track..until this week. When suddenly staring at this screen, I felt empty. Not empty in thoughts, but empty in words. Coz it was all crowded in my head, but not one single thought could come out right!

And then I thought.. is this what happens with people who can’t express themselves very well?  Like this conversation I had with a friend last night, about her not feeling loved or wanted coz her partner isn’t expressing it as much as she’d like him to or the way she’d like it. And she isn’t the only one, a lot of people who come to me for counseling seem to have this issue. So what does one do in a situation like this? how do you talk it out with someone who isn’t a “talker” to begin with!? Or in other words..get what seems ‘impossible’ from a situation that wasn’t really what you thought, to begin with!

Possible? Yes, actually.

The key is clarity and acceptance.

We ruin quite a bit in life by making silly assumptions. Asking questions might not get us the answers we want to hear, but they will definitely get us clarity.So, yea, even if either one of you isn’t a talker talk about your problems, atleast once. And once you know what the situation is really like, accepting it is the smart thing to do! If the situation cannot be changed, it’s best to accept it and work around it.

Push what can be pushed, but if you meet resistence, change your direction! That’s the only way to move forward.

And this doesn’t just apply to relationships with others…it applies to the most important relationship you’ll have for the longest time..the one with yourself! That’s what I did..asked questions to myself, got some not very nice and “I don’t agree with..” kinda answers, but as I allowed myself to be, things began to clear up. Just open the door..I did, I found my way through the storm in my mind and discovered that writing about not being able to write is actually a good thing. 🙂

Ever felt humbled by the vastness of the ocean?… ever felt so at peace that everything seemed perfect?… ever felt insignificant under the starry sky on a clear night?…ever known someone with whom, the joy is so overwhelming that words were insufficient?

Yes! 🙂 It’s in moments like these that we truly live. Moments when you know from within that there is unlimited joy to experience (even though your logical mind might want to fight that thought!) You can still feel it, it’s a feeling of completeness, of just being.

But more often than not we are busy waiting…when life is already happening 😛 We have too many rules, too many conditions that limit us from experiencing bliss. We want things ..but we want them a certain way, at a certain time and only from certain people, why?

We have this habit of labeling a source and putting so much pressure on it to deliver, that sometimes we exhaust ourselves and everyone else! Instead, if you allow it, an emotion can come from any source, so long as it doesn’t harm or damage anything or anyone.


Joy is still joy. It may vary in degrees or the kind that we feel, from satisfaction to pleasure to ecstasy!  Like the heart melting joy, the unconditional love of my two year old niece brings to the nostalgic bliss I shared with a friend as we spent all night exchanging music from our childhood over an online chat!

Happiness is everywhere. It can be the delirious kind, an awe-inspiring moment or even just a smile. It’s upto you. It’s upto you if you want to feel it at all.

It was a very liberating experience for me when I learnt to look for joy in everything that I did and everyone that  I met 🙂 I realized how much I had missed, and decided not to miss out anymore. My niece reminds me that time shouldn’t be wasted..every single day! She comes to you and asks you for something, once, twice. If she doesn’t get it, she moves on to someone else in the house and repeats. Lol.

You might say that it isn’t as simple for us grownups though. But, trust me, you ll be amazed! Life is actually quite simple. And it is true what they say…what you seek is what you find! If you just open your mind and seek only will find a million sources that bring a million moments overflowing with joy! And those million will grow into a million more.

And when you find that one moment where it feels so good that you can’t stop smiling…. step outside of yourself and acknowledge it!

Make it a memory…coz you have just lived!

A long time ago…na this ain’t a fairytale 😛

Anyways, a long time ago when I was little I used to think relationships lasted forever, no matter what they were..friends, relatives, grocers, maids, blah blah.. once you knew them they would be with you for the rest of your life! What a ridiculous notion, I know! Then after a few years, I discovered that relationships didn’t only have the time factor, they also had the depth factor! oh my! You could be “close” to some folks, but not so close to others! So I decided to have only a few “close friends”, not too many.. who I would stay friends with, forever.

But then after another decade, I discovered that no matter who or when or how, you could relate to everyone at some point in time, in one way or many, for a while or forever, that you could be in a “relationship” with the whole wide world. The only problem I faced was…what do you call these relationships? When I was in junior college I spent all my time hanging out with this awesome guy who was 3 years my senior, my psychology teacher asked me, “Is he your boyfriend?” Her question got me thinking, why did she have to give our ‘relationship’ a name? couldn’t he be anything other than a boyfriend? Why couldn’t our relationship be simply about what it was, the love for spending time with each other doing things we really loved?!

Haven’t you wondered, why does every relationship have to have a name? Why do we have to slot every connection (that we are not related to or working with!) into affairs or friendships? why can’t it just be what it is…pure love. Love is the only thing you get into a relationship for! Don’t believe me? Think about it, it’s your love for how someone makes you feel that you make them your spouse, it’s your love for someone’s naivety or innocence that makes you become their protector or best friend, it’s your love for your family that makes a CEO out of you.

Love is at the core of everything.

And if we were to just acknowledge and accept this don’t you think our lives would change for the better?! And if we were to realize that all we have is Here and Now, wouldn’t we want to give as much love to as many as we can? I realize this and I have changed for the better! Of course, this all needs to be done well within the “social boundaries” which, again, we have set for ourselves ( but that is food for another article ;)) Hey, I ain’t saying become immoral, or break laws. All I am saying is if we stop obsessing over our “roles” in life and just feel the love, we will become more compassionate, more giving. That includes allowing someone to cut into your lane while driving coz if he was your brother, you would have allowed him anyway! It also means reaching out to people a little more to find out how you can help them rather than obsessing over how your life sucks!

So today, I have an endless list of “friends”…men and women, beautiful people who do wonderful things! And I love them all in different ways! so when people ask me..what? another friend? from where? how many friends do you have that you are “really close to”? My answer is, “I didn’t know there was a limit on this!………..Is there?”

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