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How often do we come across someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with? And yet, sometimes, things don’t go the way we thought they would. The ever growing cracks in the most important relationship in our lives start to weaken everything that we touch. And then, parting ways, may be even for a while, seems like the only way to prevent any further damage.  But going through a separation can never be easy.  There are a few things though, that you can do to separate the pain from the separation. Although not completely, you can make this painful process hurt a little less.

Make sure this is it: Tried everything else to make it work? Alright, if this is the only way you both can have a better life, take the step, but once you’ve taken it, don’t question your judgement. Don’t look back and wonder. Doubting yourself will only cause a panic attack making you more vulnerable to do something worse! Just move forward.

Part peacefully: This might seem almost impossible… depending on the reason for separation (how do you part peacefully with a person who cheated on you?) Well, it can still be done, may be after you’ve gotten a hold of your emotions and have come to terms with the fact that it’s time to move on. But if your case isn’t this extreme, try to be as civil as possible. After all, you don’t want their last memory of you (and vice versa) to be a bitter one?! But doing so not only helps you keep your dignity, it helps you move on faster. You’ll have one less person to forgive (yourself) when you’re letting go of your past.


Move out of your house: If your spouse has moved out when you separated,  but you still continue living in the house you both stayed in together, it’ll be very difficult for you to move on. A place full of your partner’s memories can be overwhelming and suffocating if you’re trying to get over them. Their constant presence in your daily activities will slow down your healing process. So, if you can, move out…at least for a while. If you can’t afford another place, ask a friend for a favor..till you feel strong enough to be on your own back in the same house.

Remember- everything is a choice: The way you both decided to handle your relationship, the decision to part ways, everything that you did, and are still doing is a matter of choice. You have to consciously choose to accept your decision and overcome the guilt you might be feeling coz you gave up. May be you can choose to be together again tomorrow..or may be you’ll choose another partner that you can have a better relationship with.
Either way, you can always choose to be happy. And you owe it to yourself to choose happiness.

Keep the good ones: Whether or not you decide to patch up, remember only the good times. Remember how their smile lifted your spirit, how they made your day no matter how crappy it was, how you both loved to try new cuisines…the list is endless! Remembering only the good things about them will reduce the pain the bad memories bring. Train your mind to sharpen the focus only on the happy stuff each time they come to your mind, and blur the bad times. In case you decide to get together with your partner again, do the same process. It’ll prevent you from bringing up how they hurt you years ago, in any future fights that you might have. It’ll also help you appreciate what you love about them a little more by keeping it fresh in your mind.

One last thing to remember…tomorrow is a brand new day, and love will find a way to find you!


Ever tried doing something? Of course you did! But then what happened? You did it? or you didn’t. Or you kept ‘trying’ to do it for a long long time. But here’s what matters:- while you were trying to do it, what was happening? What was the result? What happens when someone says they’ll try to make it for your party (or when you say it?!)

So what really counts is the result. Irrespective of the amount of effort you might be putting in, if it isn’t getting you where you wanna be, what’s the point? May be you need to change your tactics…or may be even change your goal. But, move…now! Coz the truth is, if you really want it, you’ll find a way to get it. And if you haven’t gotten it yet…hmmm.

So here’s an exercise for you:- take a pencil and place it on a table in front of you, now try lifting the pencil off the table with your hand. Go ahead, try it. NO, don’t pick it up, just ‘try’ to pick it up. Nah, come on! Don’t leave it on the table, ‘try’ to pick it up!! No?? So much for all the trying we fool ourselves into believing! Ah, well…. 😉


We all tell stories. And we tell most of the stories to ourselves. Stories that are one dimensional. Stories that we invent to help us deal with the guilt, the pain..the fear..that our past leaves us with. Some stories are years long, others are one-liners!

In some stories, we end up making ourselves the villain..in others we are the victim. And over time, telling ourselves the same stories, reliving them in our heads and hearts over and over again, the stories become our reality. We become the people we’ve made ourselves to be in these stories. And what we made up in the stories starts to happen…again.

But…are they real? Or are we just living our ‘blinded by emotions we can’t deal with’ perspective? And getting sucked deeper into the fiction that we call life?

what's the story you're telling yourself?


Let’s go on a trip! A trip back in time..where you get a second chance to do everything all over again. Now, if you really did get a chance like this, would you change anything? I m guessing most of us wouldn’t coz we know that we are the way we are today only coz of everything that has happened in the past. But yes, there are a few things we wish we could alter. For me, I wouldn’t change what happened, but I guess I would change the way some of it happened.

Unfortunateley a time machine doesn’t exist.. if you know of any, let me know 😉

But today is yet to happen! So are you making this choice of living your today in a particular way, while you still have it? If not, then give it some thought. We all have the opportunity to create our lives, quite literally, the way we want to. We can write our days as we live them moment by moment, IF we don’t allow our emotions or other people to dictate us! But the key to being able to accomplish this seemingly simple yet difficult task is living in retrospect!

The best perspective to have, according to me, is the “retrospective” one! It could be a few months or a few years, but if you look at NOW from some point in your future, it helps you to understand what really matters, whether or not your decision will have the impact you imagine it to have, and how significant or insignificant this experience is going to be! Haven’t you felt this way about quite a few decisions you took years ago? I bet you have more clarity now than you did back then. Coz the truth is, time changes everything..feelings fade, situations ease up, people forget. What seems like a mountain today, might look like a mole hill 5 years from now. And if  you still have any regrets about your decisions in the past, remember that you made them coz you felt that was the best you could do at that point in time! But sadly, as we know, you can’t go back to that point in time.

So today, when you have to make a choice, use your retrospective time machine to travel into your future and look back at your present, as if it has become your past! This is one trip that will definitely change your life! 🙂

 


If you do the right thing, but you do it for the wrong reason, does it count? The right thing here would be anything that is expected of you in that particular role in your life( things we are raised to believe are most important!) and the wrong reason would be doing it ONLY coz it’s expected of you, despite the fact that you don’t want to do it. Take a minute to think, how many things in your life fit into this category? 😉

So if you do it for the wrong reason, does it carry the same karmic ‘points’? By that I mean, does it have the same impact as an action done with complete congruence?

And if the reason matters, then have you taken a look at the reasons for all your actions, or atleast the ones you do most? Coz they end up defining your life..things like going to work, buying a house, entertaining relatives, being a good spouse, blah blah… it’s tricky too, coz we are so adept at fooling ourselves into believing that this is exactly what we wanted, so it’s perfect! But you know thats not true, when you find yourself wanting to want what you have…wondering when everything’s right, why do I feel like something’s missing?!

And If the ‘why’ doesn’t matter and you simply continue doing your duties and taking care of your responsibilities, does it make you happy? OR does it just keep you from feeling guilty, you know, helps you sleep at night? There’s a difference..a clear conscience doesn’t necessarily feed your soul. The soul craves joy! Of course, if we all went around doing things ONLY as and when we pleased, there would be chaos. So then, where does one draw the line? At what point do you stop doing the ‘right thing’ and start being happy?

Where did you draw the line?


 And sometimes… did you wish these two things were the same?


Ok, which one is it? Is it that when you open your mind, decide to allow things into your life…that your stars change? Or is it that coz your stars are aligned differently that you change your mind? Which one happens first?

I wouldn’t say I’m much of a believer in astrology, but I am open minded about most things in life. How can one know if it works, unless one tries it? So I think that if you are willing, the universe follows. Which kinda reminds me of a Jim Carrey movie called Yes Man.  It’s about a guy who says no to everything and then after attending a “Yes Seminar” with a motivational coach, decides to say yes to anything that comes his way. Exciting concept I think 😉

I say yes to everything too…with a few exceptions, of course..like …letting my 2 year old niece drive 😛 But I guess I’m mostly a yes girl 🙂 because of which I’ve had so many awesome experiences! I dont know whether it’ll work out or not or what is there in store for me, but I’m always willing to try it. Having said that, it’s obvious that one is expected to say yes sensibly. You can’t possibly give away everything in your wallet (you can if you’re adventurous!) But the key is to go with your instincts. Unfortuately, more often than not our judgement is clouded by our so-called rational thinking. So pushing yourself a little, just a little beyond your comfort zone doesn’t hurt.

But a lot of people ask me how do you differentiate? Well here’s how :- If you’re contemplating doing something, close your eyes and breathe. Focus on the question at hand and ask it to yourself. The very first response that you get is from your gut. Do this twice or thrice at different times, coz your state of mind will vary, but your answer will be the same. After a while, you’ll just know! I ended up seeing the Taj Mahal on my birthday! A trip which seemed impossible to pull off coz it was planned at the last minute, literally, but only coz we said yes! Honestly, I don’t recall a single incident that I might have regretted coz of saying yes. Life is a buffet of opportunities and choices.And it’s amazing that when we expect wonderful things to happen, they actually do. All we have to do is say yes!

So, do you wanna try it?


Sometimes I wish I could change everything around me, me included.. in a few seconds. Then at times I wish time would stand still so that nothing would ever change..of course neither is possible! So I often wonder..how much what I do on a daily basis matters to me…and where am I headed? There are so many questions we need to answer every single day…Can I do this? Can I afford this? Do I need this? Can I have this? Where should I go next? blah blah…But the question we ask most without realising how important it is, is this one…

“Is there enough time?”

We answer this question on a micro level every single day, to squeeze in the gazillion things we need to do before time runs out. But this question needs a larger perspective. It isn’t just about meeting deadlines at work. It’s about how much time we have until we meet our final deadline. Living in the here and now requires us to see the “bigger picture”. As Steve Jobs said, “Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

So smile. Breathe. Pause. Think. Make time. Be. Say. Do. Call up the one you love and tell them that! Stretch your arms out and reach for your dreams. Make every moment count… make it worth a lifetime. Take charge of your life and become “Vector” 😉 …coz it’s not just the direction but also the magnitude of what we choose on a daily basis that we really need to think about. Start now… afterall, we ain’t got forever.


Look, we’ve found it, the moment our souls recognized each other…across space and time.
The physical distance between us seeming like fleeting moments, we came to be.

Against all that we had been taught, we let go of each other..and we belonged without owning.
You lit up my nights with stars, even the cloudiest ones.. my mornings felt yellow..warm and fuzzy like sunshine..
your smile..like marshmellows in hot chocolate! 🙂

Not wanting to ask for anything, all I ended up wanting was to be an exception in your life. That one beautiful experience that not only stood out, but the one that made all the difference. And you gave me that. Without so much as a passing thought, you surrendered.
My here and now shifted to where you are..in the future.

Now I have one life…to taste, touch, feel, love, sin, breathe, devour, melt, lose, give in, blend, burn.. And I have one miracle, you…

So today, I will not run. I will sit down, hold your hand in mine..and let you hold my heart in yours. Coz I want you to be me ..in my sorrows, in my joys, in my moments of ecstacy and desperate loneliness..I want you to be the witness to my life.
Coz with you, I’m home.


Honestly, after I cracked my back and dislocated an ankle playing kabaddi in school, I haven’t gone back to sports. Not that I was very athletic to begin with, but kabaddi was exciting! It was a thrill to bruise, sprain, fracture and dislocate different parts of your body and yet beat the unbeatables. But now, I prefer to sit back and watch people play the games they do. 😉 And I feel that a lot of “rules” apply to life as well…

“In Boxing the ability to bounce back determines the winner”
The sport of boxing intrigues me. We take pleasure in watching two perfectly sane and fit men break each other’s ribs, noses and wills till one of em cant stand up any more! Having said that I do enjoy a good match 😉 And as it is in boxing, it is in life. Once you are in the ring, you are on your own, and how good you are at defending yourself determines your ability to keep your head above water. But sometimes the tide takes over..we get hit by unforeseen circumstances,and that is when our ability to bounce back pulls us through!
If you can stand up every single time you get punched and find the strength to attack with twice the power, it’s a K.O!

“Where the arrow goes depends more on where the archer’s mind sees it going”
Archery seems to be one helluva mindbending sport, coz unless your mind is calm your body wont follow and the arrow is an extension of your arm. It’s like.. you need to learn to be slow in a hurry! And so it is in life, we have deadlines for everything, performing under pressure isn’t a new concept. But it’s only when you see your goal clearly in your mind, that you will know how you can achieve it.Focus, eliminating distractions… eyes on the prize…isn’t that what makes winners? and doesn’t it all begin in your mind? 

 

“Life is like a game of scrabble sometimes, you have a bingo but no place to use it!”
I was playing scrabble the other day and I had a bingo (a word that uses all 7 tiles and hence scores big) but no place on the board to use it! So I passed a turn…and waited, no luck. I had to let go of my bingo and so I did. Next turn I had another bingo! But the same thing happened! I eventually ended up letting go of 4 and scored only one bingo in that game. But what I learnt was… with practice, I had developed a bingo mindest …I would attempt using all the tiles in every turn and the more I did it, the more bingos I could make! Isn’t it the same in life? Step 1- use everything we’ve got..our talents, skills and passions to construct a bingo. 
Step 2-To train our minds to seek the opportunities to score that bingo!

 

“when the wind dies down, enjoy the calm sea”
Ever been sailing? I have..only once..too bad I’m seasick coz it’s scarily beautiful to lose sight of the shore. And by sailing I mean the proper ‘adjusting your sails and knowing the starboard from the port side’ kinda sailing. So, when you are at sea and the wind dies down, what do you do? do you curse it or wonder if it’ll ever pick up again? No, you simply wait. Coz you know it’s just a passing phase. And as you wait, you breathe easy and enjoy the peaceful ocean, coz when it swells, you are going to miss the calm! And so it is in life, the ups and downs alternate, so enjoy the lull before your overwhelming success takes over… you know it will. Just like the wind, it is guaranteed to pick up!

Life is also like a game of cricket at times, but we’ll face that googly some other day! 😉


“If there is one thing nature has in abundance other than beauty..it is patience.”

Ever watched nature at work? Its at ease… takes its own sweet time to bloom, blossom, change, grow..

..then why do we struggle at times? Is there such a thing as trying too hard?When something matters to us a hellava lot, we tend to cling on to it. Hoping that tightening our grip will make things better. Pushing for the result to come…sooner and in our favour. The more important the matter, the harder we push. And adding a negative emotion called “worry” only makes things worse! But it’s only human.

I guess nature gets its immense patience from the truth that it never questions the creator’s plan. It just does what it does.

We have that choice too. Yet more often than not, we choose the more “stressful” option!  Patience seems to stem from faith and testing times remind us of how fragile our faith is.

And this isn’t about God, I mean, you could be an agnostic or an atheist..and you’d still have no understanding of or control over the occurance of events, random or otherwise! Like the believers you’d still have to deliver your best and then…wait.

You cannot push a butterfly out of it’s cocoon.  All you can do is wait as you watch over it…and believe it will be the most beautiful thing… and that …it can fly 🙂

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